More Freecycle Oddness

Here's some funny ones. I can't decide whether number five or six is my favourite. :)

1)
WANTED: PLAYPEN,TRAVEL COT OR DOG CAGE (EH29)
Posted by: "*****_****_********"
Sun Apr 20, 2008 11:21 am (PDT)
hi we are looking for a travel cot, playpen or dog cage asap if anyone
has one of these we would e very grateful
thanks

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2)
OFFER: fireproof jacket
Posted by: "**** ******"
Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:28 am (PDT)
Largish, green jacket. Warm, waterproof, fireproof. Has reflective strips front and back. Good if you work outdoors around combustible things. Or just if you want to look like an oil rig worker.

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3)
OFFER: Barbed wire bum throne with large crack(EH14)
Posted by: "****"
Thu May 1, 2008 7:30 am (PDT)
Bought myself a barbed wire toilet seat, unfortunatly it had to be
replaced as the lid was cracked thus leaving me with nowhere to put my
sandwich when in the bath. The seat itself is fine and dandy, a clever
person may be able to fill and spray the lid so that the jaggy surprise
of embedded barbed wire is concealed. The seat comes with its fittings
and is unused. It may also be suitable for a goth like picture frame or
anybody who needs a template to draw easter eggs. I have to add that
any damage to your crack from the seat crack is your own
responsibility. Sandwich is not included.

(I have no idea what this guy is on!)

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4)
offered; 1 pair cat nail clippers and 1 pair baby nail scissors(eh11
Posted by: "*****"
Sun May 4, 2008 4:28 am (PDT)
Cat nail clippers used a few times but still work great, baby ones
hardly used.
Thank you.

(Ok, so were they using the cat clippers on a baby or the baby clippers on a cat?)

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5)
OFFER: Damaged expresso machine (Stockbridge)
Posted by: "****** *******"
Mon May 19, 2008 1:02 am (PDT)
Tefal expresso machine - the expresso part works fine, but the milk
frother is blocked...by a broken-off wooden toothpick, which turns out
not to be the best thing with which to attempt to clean a milk frother.

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6)
WANTED: bee hive QUICK QUICK OUCH (fort kinnaird)
Posted by: "****.******"
Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:45 am (PDT)
we destroyed a honey bee hive by accident.all the bees are still there
homeless and mad at me.

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There's also been a couple of rather sad listings (both from the same person).

WANTED URGENT drill to put up picture and shelf EH11
Posted by: "****"
Mon May 5, 2008 11:02 am (PDT)
I NEED A DRILL URGENTLY this week preferably as erm friend coming up to stay and i need to put a shelf up ect make it seem im ok so they don't worry


WANTED: white paint, rollers, brushes, wallpaper, wallpaper glue (eh
Posted by: "****"
Mon May 5, 2008 11:07 am (PDT)

i need any of the above so i can fool my friend into thinking im ok, her benifit really i dont want her worrying about me she cant help me anyway... so shel just end up feeling bad